~*tHe UsEd*~

Back in 11th grade through a little bit of 12th, I liked the Used. I wasn't a die hard fan, I didn't go to any of their concerts, nor own actual copies of their CDs. I realized they were considered shitty by music snobs, and that only 15 year olds liked them. But I listened to them and enjoyed what they had to offer.

I can no longer justify my like for them. Their new album (which I don't remember the name of, not that it really matters) is God awful. Their single, Liar Liar, is cheesy as hell, and not in the good Children of Bodom way. The ending, especially, where Bert whines "Liaaaar, liarrrr, pants on fiiiiire, hanging from a telephone wiiiiire" made me embarrassed for them. I literally blushed when I heard it. I expect growth from musicians. Hell, even From First to Last matured a little. The Used, instead, regressed.

Youtube video of Liar Liar (not the music video):


Youtube video of another stupid song, Wake the Dead (the footage is from an equally bad movie, Land of the Dead):

Note the lame ass 80s wail near the end.

More from the wonderfull scene of european music.

I have this theory, that if all the somewhat sexually perverted people in the world were to have a song, a song that would somehow make them all feel connected in their sexually pervertedness, it would be this song.

No, seriously, everything in this video is creepy, from the disturbingly greasy skin and porn mustache Gunther is proudly sporting to the part hilarious, part disgusting lyrics coming out from his very sexual inviting mouth.

I don't know. Not really much more to say, just watch the video, and note that it is very NSFW

The Academy Is... Capable of So Much More

Santi is not, in and of itself, bad music. It is, however, bad for those who were expecting something either similar to Almost Here, the surprisingly intricate powerpop full-length debut from The Academy Is... or something completely new and different. While Santi is certainly a departure from the Academy's previous material, there is nothing new about it. It brings me back to the "hip" scene of 2004, when everyone stopped pretending they were from England and started pretending they were from Brooklyn, when we never washed our hair and Hot Hot Heat was the shit.

There was plenty of talk surrounding this album before its release, and there are plenty of questions surrounding it now. Old fans are talking to themselves, wondering why they liked this band so much in the first place. New fans are talking to the kids who sit behind them in algebra, wondering why this album totally, like, rocks so much. And the Strokes are talking amongst themselves, wondering if they didn't already write this record.

Generic dance rock isn't necessarily terrible music. But Santi is bad music for those who were expecting the new TAI album to be their Deja Entendu. Instead, it's their From Under the Cork Tree. And trust me, that's not good.

Lily Allen

It all began on a terrible terrible day sometime in 2006. I came across a photograph of Lily Allen (you know, this one) and I thought 'Wow, cool, I like her dress' so I went on her music myspace, and this is when my life fell into a black hole and I discovered the real reason why baby Jesus cries.

Have you heard the song 'Smile' before? I'm sure you have, it was fucking everywhere. Less than a month after I first heard it (which was just after it was released) she was EVERYWHERE. It spread faster than AIDS. Anywhere you look on the internet, someone's listening to Lily Allen, got a Lily Allen icon, claimed Lily Allen to be their hero, etc etc. Her popularity amongst the ladiez~ rose faster than Russia's economy under Stalin.

What pissed me off the most about this was that there was nothing special about her, was it because she was like everyone else that they liked her? She's like another random bitch on Myspace, dresses like everyone else, acts like everyone else, and that's what people like about her? Because she is supposedly 'Down-to-Earth' despite being born into a ~famous~ family? I don't know about you, but if I was Lily Allen, born into a privileged family (her dad's a ~famous~ comedian or something, but I've never heard of him before) I would try a little harder to look less like a fucking chav and hire someone else to sing my vocals, like Paris Hilton did. Oh, and while I'm at it I'd get someone else to write my lyrics, like Charlotte Gainsbourg did. O w8 Lily Allen follows no-one's rules but her own.

"At first when I see you cry-y-y-y, yeah it makes me smi-i-i-i-le" More like “At first when I hear you si-i-i-i-ng I want to sacrifice a thousand babies to sata-a-a-a-n just so you can stop”. She has a cockney-accented singing voice. She sounds like a whiny ten-year-old, or a child dizzy on lemonade (c Simon Amstell). Believe it or not guyz, this song made it to #1. When they asked her how she'd celebrate, she says "Gak (cocaine)....LOLZ JK" which was a lame attempt to cover something so blatantly obvious anyway.

But aside from her terrible accent and singing style, Lily Allen's one of those who tries so desperately hard to be liked that she pretends she doesn't care what everyone thinks about her. She's bitched about everyone from Kylie Minogue and Paris Hilton to Bob Geldof in a pathetic attempt to seem tough and as though the opinions of successful celebrities doesn't matter to her, because celebrities are rubbish anyway, right?

Oh, and has anyone seen this hoe without make-up, she looks like an exact replica of those trolls with the hair that sticks straight up like a cat's tail. I won't blind you with photographs, but you can only imagine.

Avril Lavigne ~*Girlfriend*~

Avril invented quasi punk rock. Actually, that's not true, but she is the queen MOTHER FUCKING PRINCESS of quasi punk rock. She has spent all of her career trying to convince us of this (except for that short period of time right before her wedding where she exclusively wore Chanel *sniff*).

I am not usually a fan of Avril Lavigne. I've always thought that her songs were boring and uninspiring, and that she, herself, is ignorant of the movement (punk, duh) that she tries to emulate. So can someone please tell me why I just can't seem to get "Girlfriend" (aka "Y U GOTTA B SO BAD, AVRIL?") out of my head??

This song is just so damn catchy! The lyrics are terrible (She's like so whatever?), the subject matter is lame and something I completely disagree with (I am of the opinion that women should stick together instead of pitting ourselves against each other in order to win the affection of our male oppressors), and the tune isn't exactly unique or different. But God help me, I keep finding my way over to Avril's Myspace page just to listen to it!

Featured prominently on that page is the music video for "Girlfriend". I'm not going analyze this video in depth, namely because I should be studying for my media ethics final, and because I really don't feel like it. So instead, I'm going to highlight the best/most LOL-worthy moments.



1:01 - "She's like so whatever" + the Fred Durst finger twirl. Oh lordy lordy.
1:29 - Someone PLEASE make an animation of the boob bounce, PLEASE!!
1:43 - Nice dramatic "again and again" gesture.
2:23 - The stomp and clap doesn't quite work in heels, Mrs. Whibley.
2:31 - Wut.
2:34 - I actually like choreographed dancing, but with Avril Lavigne?
2:44 - This also needs to be made into an animation.

That said, Avril looks cute with black hair.

Plain White T's

The Plain White T's sound like an even shittier version of the All-American Rejects (surprisingly, it is possible), but without Nick Wheeler's good looks and Tyson Ritter's charming alcoholism.
Even without redeeming personal qualities, some bands manage to make up for a boring, formulaic pop-punk sound with intriguing lyrics. Not so with the Plain White T's. "Hate is a strong word/But I really really really don't like you" is an actual lyric of theirs, off a song entitled "Hate (I Really Don't Like You)". No, seriously.
You know pop-punk is dead when you actually miss Blink-182. Whatever happened to not taking ourselves so seriously? This is the kind of stuff that gets called emo by forty-something music journalists with no idea what emo used to stand for. It's bad.

If you want to ruin your own day, watch this video:



And not that it should matter, but the lead singer's nose resembles a penis so much that it is distracting. This guy is such a penisnose. He's like Daniel Vosovic's less attractive second cousin.

As for the band's acoustic ballad, "Hey There Delilah", Chris Carrabba is getting drunk somewhere, throwing darts at a target fashioned out of a Bright Eyes poster, thinking to himself, "FUCK. Why didn't I think of rhyming 'city' with 'pretty'? This dude is a lyrical genius!"

Tokio Hotel

Tokio Hotel are to Scandinavia what Panic! At The Disco is to America. Only, well.. Worse.

They are the kind of band designed to make 13 year old girls wonder why they were not born and raised in Germany, while they desperately try and convince their friends that yes, they are in fact all boys, and NO they are not gay my god people are stupid

Their music is actually really really boring, which was something I must admit I wasn't suspecting. Bands who look that akward usually make music that in some shape or form is interesting(interesting not necessarily meaning good). But it isn't. It really isn't. The leadsinger seems unnaturally focused on forcing his voice into sounding juuust angsty enough to make us believe that he is in fact suffering, whilst still sounding rough enough for us into believing that we are listening to a rock-band, not some whiny highschool garage-band. Even though we actually are, just on a bigger scale. Also, I swear to god that I have heard every single one of their catchy guitar-riffs somewhere before. All their lyrics were actually German at first, but they are now in the process of trying to take over the English-speaking world by translating all their German songs into English.

Enjoy:

Intro/Klaxons

Welcome to Bad Music, a blog about, well, don't make me insult your deductive reasoning skills.
Basically this is a place for me (and some of my more discerning friends, if I can recruit them) to bitch about the songs, bands, and albums that we consider bad music.

So let's get to it.

Today I want to talk about the Klaxons.



The Klaxons are hipsters who dress in neon spandex, play music that sounds sort of like a tetris soundtrack, and are allegedly at the forefront of a musical movement called "New Rave". They are your least favorite things from the 80s and your least favorite things from the 90s, in one convenient day-glo package.
Their single, "Golden Skans", is played way too often on alternative radio, and it gets stuck in your head, but not in a good way. People constantly defend shitty music by saying that it is "catchy". Now, I am not a rockist snob. I like pop music. But there is a difference between a well-written song that you can't stop singing and a song with approximately ten different words in it and a whole lot of "doot doot" bullshit that burrows into your brain and sucks the joy out of you like a leech sucking blood.
It is fitting that their name comes from the word for warning sirens (thanks, Wikipedia!), because I think these dudes are messengers sent back in time from 2015 to warn us about shitty music to come. Their album is called Myths of the Near Future! Think about it! (Yes, I realize that is actually the title of a collection of science fiction stories. I didn't even need Wikipedia for that one.)
In short, please don't encourage them. Don't buy their record, don't buy glowsticks, don't wear multicolored hoodies, just don't do anything that might convince any more music journalists that "New Rave" is a legitimate genre.