Avril Lavigne ~*Girlfriend*~

Avril invented quasi punk rock. Actually, that's not true, but she is the queen MOTHER FUCKING PRINCESS of quasi punk rock. She has spent all of her career trying to convince us of this (except for that short period of time right before her wedding where she exclusively wore Chanel *sniff*).

I am not usually a fan of Avril Lavigne. I've always thought that her songs were boring and uninspiring, and that she, herself, is ignorant of the movement (punk, duh) that she tries to emulate. So can someone please tell me why I just can't seem to get "Girlfriend" (aka "Y U GOTTA B SO BAD, AVRIL?") out of my head??

This song is just so damn catchy! The lyrics are terrible (She's like so whatever?), the subject matter is lame and something I completely disagree with (I am of the opinion that women should stick together instead of pitting ourselves against each other in order to win the affection of our male oppressors), and the tune isn't exactly unique or different. But God help me, I keep finding my way over to Avril's Myspace page just to listen to it!

Featured prominently on that page is the music video for "Girlfriend". I'm not going analyze this video in depth, namely because I should be studying for my media ethics final, and because I really don't feel like it. So instead, I'm going to highlight the best/most LOL-worthy moments.



1:01 - "She's like so whatever" + the Fred Durst finger twirl. Oh lordy lordy.
1:29 - Someone PLEASE make an animation of the boob bounce, PLEASE!!
1:43 - Nice dramatic "again and again" gesture.
2:23 - The stomp and clap doesn't quite work in heels, Mrs. Whibley.
2:31 - Wut.
2:34 - I actually like choreographed dancing, but with Avril Lavigne?
2:44 - This also needs to be made into an animation.

That said, Avril looks cute with black hair.

Plain White T's

The Plain White T's sound like an even shittier version of the All-American Rejects (surprisingly, it is possible), but without Nick Wheeler's good looks and Tyson Ritter's charming alcoholism.
Even without redeeming personal qualities, some bands manage to make up for a boring, formulaic pop-punk sound with intriguing lyrics. Not so with the Plain White T's. "Hate is a strong word/But I really really really don't like you" is an actual lyric of theirs, off a song entitled "Hate (I Really Don't Like You)". No, seriously.
You know pop-punk is dead when you actually miss Blink-182. Whatever happened to not taking ourselves so seriously? This is the kind of stuff that gets called emo by forty-something music journalists with no idea what emo used to stand for. It's bad.

If you want to ruin your own day, watch this video:



And not that it should matter, but the lead singer's nose resembles a penis so much that it is distracting. This guy is such a penisnose. He's like Daniel Vosovic's less attractive second cousin.

As for the band's acoustic ballad, "Hey There Delilah", Chris Carrabba is getting drunk somewhere, throwing darts at a target fashioned out of a Bright Eyes poster, thinking to himself, "FUCK. Why didn't I think of rhyming 'city' with 'pretty'? This dude is a lyrical genius!"

Tokio Hotel

Tokio Hotel are to Scandinavia what Panic! At The Disco is to America. Only, well.. Worse.

They are the kind of band designed to make 13 year old girls wonder why they were not born and raised in Germany, while they desperately try and convince their friends that yes, they are in fact all boys, and NO they are not gay my god people are stupid

Their music is actually really really boring, which was something I must admit I wasn't suspecting. Bands who look that akward usually make music that in some shape or form is interesting(interesting not necessarily meaning good). But it isn't. It really isn't. The leadsinger seems unnaturally focused on forcing his voice into sounding juuust angsty enough to make us believe that he is in fact suffering, whilst still sounding rough enough for us into believing that we are listening to a rock-band, not some whiny highschool garage-band. Even though we actually are, just on a bigger scale. Also, I swear to god that I have heard every single one of their catchy guitar-riffs somewhere before. All their lyrics were actually German at first, but they are now in the process of trying to take over the English-speaking world by translating all their German songs into English.

Enjoy:

Intro/Klaxons

Welcome to Bad Music, a blog about, well, don't make me insult your deductive reasoning skills.
Basically this is a place for me (and some of my more discerning friends, if I can recruit them) to bitch about the songs, bands, and albums that we consider bad music.

So let's get to it.

Today I want to talk about the Klaxons.



The Klaxons are hipsters who dress in neon spandex, play music that sounds sort of like a tetris soundtrack, and are allegedly at the forefront of a musical movement called "New Rave". They are your least favorite things from the 80s and your least favorite things from the 90s, in one convenient day-glo package.
Their single, "Golden Skans", is played way too often on alternative radio, and it gets stuck in your head, but not in a good way. People constantly defend shitty music by saying that it is "catchy". Now, I am not a rockist snob. I like pop music. But there is a difference between a well-written song that you can't stop singing and a song with approximately ten different words in it and a whole lot of "doot doot" bullshit that burrows into your brain and sucks the joy out of you like a leech sucking blood.
It is fitting that their name comes from the word for warning sirens (thanks, Wikipedia!), because I think these dudes are messengers sent back in time from 2015 to warn us about shitty music to come. Their album is called Myths of the Near Future! Think about it! (Yes, I realize that is actually the title of a collection of science fiction stories. I didn't even need Wikipedia for that one.)
In short, please don't encourage them. Don't buy their record, don't buy glowsticks, don't wear multicolored hoodies, just don't do anything that might convince any more music journalists that "New Rave" is a legitimate genre.